don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
