Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
