No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
