Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
