Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
