I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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