I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
