Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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