His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
