I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You pole danced in your parka.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
