I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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