I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
