so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
