i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
