i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
