We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
