I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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