My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
