my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
