Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
