Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
