So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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