I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
