OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
