you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i think i just lost a toe
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
