No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
