can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
