that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
