Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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