i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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