I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
