Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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