...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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