I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
