i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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