it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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