I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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