69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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