he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
