i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
