and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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