he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
