oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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