Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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