I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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