I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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