I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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