I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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