I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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