Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
