either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
