I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
