it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
