Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
